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2017 in review.

Another year goes by.

2017 went by way too fast to my liking. It was a year of hardwork and discovery. The only regret I have was, not being able to slow down and savour the process.

Personally, I was lost and confused in 2017. There were times when I was worried about upsetting others. For 2018, I've come to terms that I'm not a people pleaser; as long as my actions and thoughts do not go against my conscience, then it's fine.

At work, I pushed myself hard, to strive and to achieve. Yet, I was disappointed. There were results but they weren't on par with what I've expected. Then, I realised that the goals were unrealistic. There were times when I wanted to quit but I'm glad I persevere. Empowering and getting out of my comfort zone is what I want in 2018. To start off, there are 2 secret projects on my mind. Let's not be greedy and work on it one at a time. Good luck to myself!

In love, 2017 was about understanding and accepting. Despite being friend for a decade with Mr. C, there are things we do that will tick each other off as SO. But am glad that we have overcome all the hiccups and continue being strong and very happy in love. My resolution for 2018 will then be, trust.

In terms of family, I can be quite bad tempered and would often talk back. The SO has inspired and encouraged me to be more patient. Though there's improvement, I would like to have even more patience towards my loved ones in 2018.

Health has never been a concern for me as I'm lean and would occasionally exercise. I thought it would be the same for 2017 but apparently not. Just few days before 2017 ends, the doctor broke the news that I've VERY high cholesterol, probably hereditary. This is definitely a bad news for a food lover like me. So for all the loves of my life, I vow to eat healthily, exercise regularly and sleep early in 2018!

One resolution which I've failed to achieve in 2017 was the failure in reading one book per month. Being someone in the education field, I do believe that knowledge is the key to success. So, I would give this resolution a priority in 2018 and vow to practice what I preach - to read, read and read more!

Having said these, bring it on 2018!

2017

The overdue reflective post.

Life has always been mysterious and interesting. Mysterious in the sense that you will never know what lies ahead; interesting in the sense that there are always ups and downs in life to make life less mundane.

2016 started off not as good as how I want it to be. I was lost, helpless and afraid of the unknown. It took me half a year to finally come to my senses, and found my way back to happiness. Guilt still haunts me for breaking hearts but am glad to finally know how to not repeat my mistake. As the saying goes, once bitten twice shy. As much as I look happy and bubbly from the outside, I am unfortunately still believing in the 2-year curse.

They say with age comes responsibility but I say with age comes a weaker heart. I am no longer as adventurous as I used to be. I used to be not afraid of falling, be it at work or in relationship. I used to think that falling gives me new experience and teaches me new things - doesn't matter if I fall for I can always stand up and start again. But, with two failed ldr, I'm sorry to say I'm never gamed for another ldr. I have had enough.

The final two quarters of 2016 on the other hand has been great, both at work and in relationship. The last two quarters have reinforced 'everything happens for a reason' in me. I used to wonder why it took so many years for Mr. C and I to hit on even though people around us have always thought that we are an icon. Well, the years of being friends have really allowed us to understand each other very much and most importantly, these ten years of being friends have helped us or rather me to build trust between us both. For one, I have always had trust issue and it would take me a long, long time to gain trust but just a second to break this trust. Mr. C's scope of work would make matter worse too. If it's not for these ten years, we may not be able to survive together. Hence, these 10 years are necessary for us to enjoy what we are enjoying now.

In terms of work, I am glad I have found my passion. I no longer dread waking up and bringing myself to work. I no longer complain about working weekend. And I no longer complaine about the stress that I have to go through. Yes, the hours and stress level may be higher than what I have previously experienced, but surprisingly, I am actually handling them well. Despite having to work from Sunday to Friday willingly, I have no complaint. I am enjoying it.

Life's been good and I believe it will only get better in 2017.

So, bring it on 2017 and let's hope I will be able to cross these items out in my 2017 review.

To a healthier life - hitting the sack early & consistent attendance in Yoga;
To a better person - patience is a virtue;
To a better career - empower others to empower;
To a better family - lesser fights with parents and siblings; and
To a better SO - work for our future.

Dear Me.

Here's a reminder post for your future self, just in case. Life's been hectic but that's okay, it's a good sign. However, sometimes we tend to forget who we are, where we come from, why we decided to take this road not taken, and what do we want.

Everything happens for a reason. Don't be hard on yourself when things don't turn out the way you want. It is the lows in life that toughens you. Remember that arrow goes forward only after pulling in backward; bullet goes forward only after pressing the trigger backward. However, regardless of how bad things are, do not submit into self-pity. Remember to fight back and show the world your worth.

Stay humble. Do believe that change is the law of life and life is like a ride of Ferris wheel. We don't stay in our downfalls forever and likewise we don't stay at the top of the world for long. Whatever it is, do remember to stay humble with your achievements and help others see their worth and be successful as well. I want you to remember that being successful with your peers beats being successful alone.

Be thankful and grateful. Don't forget those who have helped you in time of need. The best gratitude you can show to them is to pass on their kindness to another person. Don't be clouded with material abundance, they are not as fulfilling.

Love your family and live life with no regret. We tend to always make time for friends and bf. What about your beloved family who has stood by you regardless of what happens? Don't ever forget to make time for them. I don't want you to live life with regrets. Learn from mistakes, remember them and make changes! Everyone's life is shortened with every breath they take. We never know when is the end of our life journey. So, treasure them while you can! Do the things you want to do, say the things you want to say. Continue living life to the fullest, you've been doing it well thus far.

Don't forget to leave an impact. Always remember your life goal - to make an impact in one's life. You are on the right track and you're doing it well. Continue spreading your vibes!

Be honest. Honesty has always been your first priority. Don't be a hypocrite. Always remember that mama told you - what you want, you first give. If you wish for honesty from others, you should do the same to others. Being honest can be hard, but I know you are good at it. Your dishonesty doesn't only hurt others, you are hurting yourself more. So, please, always remember this - be honest to everyone - including your family and bf.

Take time off. Don't forget to take time off to see the world. It is the best way to recharge yourself and remind yourself on what you are doing is what you want. Don't forget SA, CN, VN and other third world countries. If you ever forget what this is, go, go travel to these places. The plight of others will remind you.

Most importantly, I want you to stay as a power couple. Continue to be an inspiration to others. It makes life easier when you have someone thinking, working and aiming for the same goal. Continue to motivate each other and push each other to greater height. But, don't overwork and overlook each other. Remember to take time off to nurture your love. Learn from each other, accept and embrace the differences.

Lastly, do stay grounded!

Come what may.

Someone once told me, the only thing that is permanent in this universe is change - so true. The most drastic change for me would be that, I made a life-changing decision to change career (totally unrelated career with what I was doing). No more endless overtime, taking unreasonable orders from the seniors, dealing with weird clients and etc. 

I would say it is quite a bold decision which shocked quite a number of the people whom I have spoken to, which include me, myself. But this decision was made after countless of sleepless nights, tears shedding and even many more head-cracking months. I have weighed the pros and cons as well as consider the options available. 

My dad always tells me that, the outside world is your oyster, waiting for you to explore. And I guess I should explore the outside world while I am still young and commitment-free. I mean what is the worst that could happen if I realised later on that, this is a wrong decision? In case you don't already know, I was from audit and am venturing into education. So, let's talk about how did I decide to go into education.

For those who know me, I have had 5 years of teaching experience prior to joining audit. Many told me that, it is not easy to endure the life of an auditor as there will be countless of overtime to go through and tight deadlines to meet. And, that is one of the reasons why I took up audit - I wanted to take the challenge and see how far I can go and how "strong" I am. Besides, audit promises to give me a great range of exposure and I did not know what I wanted to do back then. So, why not?

I told myself to go through a maximum of 4 years torture and at the same time, I have a mission for myself - to find out my passion - what do I really want to do for the rest of my life? Probably I would like audit? I didn't know what was ahead of me. I am the kind of person, whereby if you throw me lemons, I would make lemonade out of it. But I really want to find my passion and live the life I wanted instead of just following the flow.

I enjoy teaching people about things they don't know. Perhaps it's the superiority in me? I don't know. But what I know for sure is that, it gives me a great sense of self-fulfillment. Very often when someone is teaching in front of me - be it at work or in class, I would think about how I would adopt the approach or how I would improve the person's method of teaching. As time goes by, the urge for me to switch career becomes stronger and I realised that, probably teaching is my passion. 

But, I wasn't sure and did not dare to take the leap until one fine day, my ex-boss contacted me. I started giving it a serious thought - do I really want to teach? Could it be novelty? I guess life is a gamble and if everything in life is certainty, then it wouldn't be fun living anymore; as we would know what will happen next and when is our destiny. 

A trip down to Philippines made me realised that I really do have a strong urge in teaching. I saw so many homeless children roaming and sleeping on the street. A strong sympathy grew in me. They don't deserve those kind of life. I truly believe that education is the key out of poverty - if only they were offered proper education and guidance. The same back in our home country. Many were being discounted for the poor command in English - if only I could help. It is also from then on that I found my long-term career goal - to help those underprivileged.

I am not sure what God has in mind for me;
I am not sure what the future lies - is it good or is it bad?
But I want to take this leap - 
And even if I fall, I have no regrets in life.
Come what may! 

Message from beyond the grave

It has already been one year and four months; yet you will never be forgotten.

You came and visited me again last night and it was so surreal. You haven't changed the slightest, you were still the same loving old you, except happier and healthier. It was like the old times where brother and I came and visit you, talking nonsense over your favourite snack.

I thought I have gone through the whole grieving process but a slight mention about you or the dreams I had about you could send me tearing non-stop for one whole hour. My eyes hurt from all the tearing and my head hurts from reminiscing all the times we had.

Truth be told, I don't mind tearing every time I think or dream of you. I guess this is the only way to show you how much I miss you. Or is this just a way to punish myself for not being good enough to you when you are still around? 

Nonetheless, I miss you dearly, I really do.
You will always be in my mind.
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