Showing posts with label #relationship. Show all posts

2017 in review.

Another year goes by.

2017 went by way too fast to my liking. It was a year of hardwork and discovery. The only regret I have was, not being able to slow down and savour the process.

Personally, I was lost and confused in 2017. There were times when I was worried about upsetting others. For 2018, I've come to terms that I'm not a people pleaser; as long as my actions and thoughts do not go against my conscience, then it's fine.

At work, I pushed myself hard, to strive and to achieve. Yet, I was disappointed. There were results but they weren't on par with what I've expected. Then, I realised that the goals were unrealistic. There were times when I wanted to quit but I'm glad I persevere. Empowering and getting out of my comfort zone is what I want in 2018. To start off, there are 2 secret projects on my mind. Let's not be greedy and work on it one at a time. Good luck to myself!

In love, 2017 was about understanding and accepting. Despite being friend for a decade with Mr. C, there are things we do that will tick each other off as SO. But am glad that we have overcome all the hiccups and continue being strong and very happy in love. My resolution for 2018 will then be, trust.

In terms of family, I can be quite bad tempered and would often talk back. The SO has inspired and encouraged me to be more patient. Though there's improvement, I would like to have even more patience towards my loved ones in 2018.

Health has never been a concern for me as I'm lean and would occasionally exercise. I thought it would be the same for 2017 but apparently not. Just few days before 2017 ends, the doctor broke the news that I've VERY high cholesterol, probably hereditary. This is definitely a bad news for a food lover like me. So for all the loves of my life, I vow to eat healthily, exercise regularly and sleep early in 2018!

One resolution which I've failed to achieve in 2017 was the failure in reading one book per month. Being someone in the education field, I do believe that knowledge is the key to success. So, I would give this resolution a priority in 2018 and vow to practice what I preach - to read, read and read more!

Having said these, bring it on 2018!

2017

The overdue reflective post.

Life has always been mysterious and interesting. Mysterious in the sense that you will never know what lies ahead; interesting in the sense that there are always ups and downs in life to make life less mundane.

2016 started off not as good as how I want it to be. I was lost, helpless and afraid of the unknown. It took me half a year to finally come to my senses, and found my way back to happiness. Guilt still haunts me for breaking hearts but am glad to finally know how to not repeat my mistake. As the saying goes, once bitten twice shy. As much as I look happy and bubbly from the outside, I am unfortunately still believing in the 2-year curse.

They say with age comes responsibility but I say with age comes a weaker heart. I am no longer as adventurous as I used to be. I used to be not afraid of falling, be it at work or in relationship. I used to think that falling gives me new experience and teaches me new things - doesn't matter if I fall for I can always stand up and start again. But, with two failed ldr, I'm sorry to say I'm never gamed for another ldr. I have had enough.

The final two quarters of 2016 on the other hand has been great, both at work and in relationship. The last two quarters have reinforced 'everything happens for a reason' in me. I used to wonder why it took so many years for Mr. C and I to hit on even though people around us have always thought that we are an icon. Well, the years of being friends have really allowed us to understand each other very much and most importantly, these ten years of being friends have helped us or rather me to build trust between us both. For one, I have always had trust issue and it would take me a long, long time to gain trust but just a second to break this trust. Mr. C's scope of work would make matter worse too. If it's not for these ten years, we may not be able to survive together. Hence, these 10 years are necessary for us to enjoy what we are enjoying now.

In terms of work, I am glad I have found my passion. I no longer dread waking up and bringing myself to work. I no longer complain about working weekend. And I no longer complaine about the stress that I have to go through. Yes, the hours and stress level may be higher than what I have previously experienced, but surprisingly, I am actually handling them well. Despite having to work from Sunday to Friday willingly, I have no complaint. I am enjoying it.

Life's been good and I believe it will only get better in 2017.

So, bring it on 2017 and let's hope I will be able to cross these items out in my 2017 review.

To a healthier life - hitting the sack early & consistent attendance in Yoga;
To a better person - patience is a virtue;
To a better career - empower others to empower;
To a better family - lesser fights with parents and siblings; and
To a better SO - work for our future.

Dear Me.

Here's a reminder post for your future self, just in case. Life's been hectic but that's okay, it's a good sign. However, sometimes we tend to forget who we are, where we come from, why we decided to take this road not taken, and what do we want.

Everything happens for a reason. Don't be hard on yourself when things don't turn out the way you want. It is the lows in life that toughens you. Remember that arrow goes forward only after pulling in backward; bullet goes forward only after pressing the trigger backward. However, regardless of how bad things are, do not submit into self-pity. Remember to fight back and show the world your worth.

Stay humble. Do believe that change is the law of life and life is like a ride of Ferris wheel. We don't stay in our downfalls forever and likewise we don't stay at the top of the world for long. Whatever it is, do remember to stay humble with your achievements and help others see their worth and be successful as well. I want you to remember that being successful with your peers beats being successful alone.

Be thankful and grateful. Don't forget those who have helped you in time of need. The best gratitude you can show to them is to pass on their kindness to another person. Don't be clouded with material abundance, they are not as fulfilling.

Love your family and live life with no regret. We tend to always make time for friends and bf. What about your beloved family who has stood by you regardless of what happens? Don't ever forget to make time for them. I don't want you to live life with regrets. Learn from mistakes, remember them and make changes! Everyone's life is shortened with every breath they take. We never know when is the end of our life journey. So, treasure them while you can! Do the things you want to do, say the things you want to say. Continue living life to the fullest, you've been doing it well thus far.

Don't forget to leave an impact. Always remember your life goal - to make an impact in one's life. You are on the right track and you're doing it well. Continue spreading your vibes!

Be honest. Honesty has always been your first priority. Don't be a hypocrite. Always remember that mama told you - what you want, you first give. If you wish for honesty from others, you should do the same to others. Being honest can be hard, but I know you are good at it. Your dishonesty doesn't only hurt others, you are hurting yourself more. So, please, always remember this - be honest to everyone - including your family and bf.

Take time off. Don't forget to take time off to see the world. It is the best way to recharge yourself and remind yourself on what you are doing is what you want. Don't forget SA, CN, VN and other third world countries. If you ever forget what this is, go, go travel to these places. The plight of others will remind you.

Most importantly, I want you to stay as a power couple. Continue to be an inspiration to others. It makes life easier when you have someone thinking, working and aiming for the same goal. Continue to motivate each other and push each other to greater height. But, don't overwork and overlook each other. Remember to take time off to nurture your love. Learn from each other, accept and embrace the differences.

Lastly, do stay grounded!

Fairy tales

Fairy tales are make-believe. Everything in fairy land seems perfect. However, the truth is, the reality is far from perfect.

I may be an adult, but as stupid as it sound, I thought perfect is reachable. It's time to wake up from my dream and learn to accept the imperfect.

Counting my blessings

And so history repeats again. But this time, at least I managed to find out the reason behind all these heartbreaks. I have never thought that life could be so complicated. 

The past 6 months have been a roller coaster ride and am counting my blessings for those who have stood by me. After months of tears shedding, head cracking and countless sleepless nights, I am glad  that I have found the answers to my questions and solutions to my problems. 

One thing for sure that I have learned from these disastrous past months is that, you can fool the world but you can never fool yourself. Well, I thought I could. I thought my life was well-controlled. I thought I knew what I wanted and how to achieve the things that I want. I thought I was smart. Maybe I am but just not in the love playing field. If only there is a "101 Guide to Love". Perhaps Mr. B is right - there's no right or wrong; it's just how different people react. Having said that, guilt still fills me. A lot. 

To those broken hearts,
I am sorry - I hope we have at least learned one or two things from each other;
I am sorry - for not honouring our promises;
I am sorry - for all the damages that I have done.

To the man with patience,
Thank you - for the 6 years and standing by me 24/7;
Thank you - for having faith in us;
Thank you - for all that you have done.

I thought such thing only exists in the movies. It's funny how I looked so far for the one thing and yet it is actually right beside me. Thank you universe, for all the life surprises you brought me. I promise to be appreciative and keep counting my blessings!

Sandcastle

Trust is like a sandcastle.

It takes time to build and effort to 'toughen' it; but the weakest wave could destroy it in split second.

At times, it sucks to be a logical person. For there is only black or white in life, but the reality is there are actually gray areas which logical person can never accept. I guess there is no right or wrong. Not even twins are identical in characteristics. Everyone is special in their own way and we have to learn to accept these differences.

To some, some things are better left unsaid and untold; for they believe that it only brings more harm than anything else. But if it doesn't solve, it's always there. Problem may not surface now but there is the possibility of triggering it in the future. Isn't it better to face it and support each other along the way than to have it on your own shoulder? Couples are to be there for each other for the rest of their lives and it is through all these little problems that make them grow stronger. I always believe that by anticipating the future or the problem, will make us more prepared.

To some, honesty is always the best policy regardless what outcome will the honesty brings. They rather know the truth (which hurt or doesn't do good) and recover from there than having to know it on their own or from someone else; as they believe that all these little things are just parts and parcel of life which when we look back in the future, we will see how silly we were. Perhaps, they are making joke for their future self! 

My mum once told me, "What you want, you first give" and I would like to add "No matter the outcome - good or bad - just give your best and your everything". I may not know what our future will be, but I have never taught to not give my best. Though I mentioned that I want to hold myself back, I actually do not know how to do so. There is the possibility of me falling down but what matters is I have given my best. Even if the outcome of us do not turn out well, I know I am not the one to be blamed; for I have given all I have and all I am. And when I say I am transparent, I am.

I am blessed.

It has been a little over three months but I am still in awe that you are mine! I would have to admit that the first three months into our relationship hasn’t been a bed of roses. Not because we argue a lot (actually we don't at all), but because we skipped the honeymoon stage of our relationship. Well, I can’t deny that I miss and love being pampered and taken care of; but I am not complaining. I am glad that I get to go through your worst moment of life with you in the past few months. I was a little insecure, worried and tired but I am happy that my presence has lightened you up and washed away your pain! Our relationship has been put to test from the start and hopefully your hand is the one that I am going to hold through the ups and downs of life!

After what has happened in the past months and now that you are on the road to recovery, I thought it would be great to do something different (I deserve some relaxing right? hehe…)! Your special day came just in time! I was so overwhelmed with work that I did not put much thought to it. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoyed the simple date I planned for you. 


Happy birthday!
Looking forward to the next one :)

Message from beyond the grave

It has already been one year and four months; yet you will never be forgotten.

You came and visited me again last night and it was so surreal. You haven't changed the slightest, you were still the same loving old you, except happier and healthier. It was like the old times where brother and I came and visit you, talking nonsense over your favourite snack.

I thought I have gone through the whole grieving process but a slight mention about you or the dreams I had about you could send me tearing non-stop for one whole hour. My eyes hurt from all the tearing and my head hurts from reminiscing all the times we had.

Truth be told, I don't mind tearing every time I think or dream of you. I guess this is the only way to show you how much I miss you. Or is this just a way to punish myself for not being good enough to you when you are still around? 

Nonetheless, I miss you dearly, I really do.
You will always be in my mind.

My perfect cup of coffee.

The thing about living in a food haven is that we are being introduced to a wide variety of good food at a very young age and we will not settle for anything less.

Indulging in good food in this food haven has become a norm and I do not think there's any particular food that has given me the "wow" effect. Human is never appreciative, isn't it? 

Being an avid food lover, I have learned that sometimes, great ingredient does not necessarily make up good food. To me, a great meal is very much like falling in love. You need everything right, from the ingredients, to the companion, and to the settings, to make up to a good meal.


The same goes to coffee. 
Perfect beans, milk and temperature may only make up a good cup of coffee;
but with you,
it becomes a perfect cup of coffee.

#relationship

Love is a subject which I will never ever understand. 

I consider myself a small girl with big dreams and maybe to some, I have some hard-to-handle characteristics. It is also with these reasons that my previous relation failed. And so I thought, it would probably take me a while to find someone to fall head over heels with, and someone who can accept the not-so-perfect me.

Break-up is never an interesting process, in fact, it sucks big time. Since the last break up, I have met different guys, each with their own unique personalities and ways to impress me – from expensive dinner to arts and crafts to late night calls to helping hands. From time to time, I was touched but I was able to maintain my composure, to be cautious and to avoid having another heart break. I was determined to make the next one, my last one!

I thought I was doing well all along. Until, he came along and messed up my composure! I tried so hard to hold back my feelings but, the more I tried to shut my feelings, the more it pours! I knew then that I was falling head over heels!

Love is weird, isn’t it? It strikes when you least expect it. 

Letting go

I broke up with someone who would give up his everything just to make me the happiest woman in the world a while ago. And I have been accused for being the dumbest woman on earth for giving up such a great man! I am not going to deny but yes, he is probably one of the greatest guy a girl could possibly ask for. But, I can’t be with someone just because they are great right?

I believe everyone has their own definition of a perfect relationship. To me, a perfect relationship does not mean showering your loved one with lavish gifts, undivided attention and overflowing love. The core of a perfect relationship is a relationship where both parties are able to complement and support each other; to grow and learn as one, not only in the ups but most importantly in the downs.

Each of us has our own dreams and ambitions to chase after. I certainly do not agree that by committing into a relationship, we are to give up our own dreams and ambitions. 

 If they are so easily given up, they are not dreams and ambitions! 

我迷失了

我总觉得爱是个很奇妙的家伙。它可以随时随刻，不分种族岐视，随时随地的发生。它的生命可以很短暂，也可以天长地久；而且很潇洒说走就走，不需任何理由。它可以很甜蜜，带给人许多美好的记忆；它也可以很恐怖，把人的心剖开。

可是我总喜欢往好的方面去想，它是美好的。

爱很特别。它的发生需要配合天时地利人和；缘份也少不了。爱的产生很讲究在对的环境与地点遇见对的对象。

在我自己的眼里，我觉得我的爱情故事还蛮精彩的。有很多人曾在我身边擦肩而过；有美好也有悲伤的回忆。最近我觉得人越长大，越害怕放胆地去爱。或许是怕跌倒？还是青春有限，不想再一次的遇见错的对象？或许爱情根本已不再是生命中的必要品？没有了它，我也能一个人好好的活下去。它真的把我弄昏了。我也迷失了方向。

可是我总觉得自己是个很幸福也很幸运的小女孩。在爱情世界里，我还有选择权。在我生命中出现过的人都教会了我许多人身道理，让我体会到不一样的东西，让我的生活多姿多彩。这，是我非常感激的一件事。

我很好奇，我的未来到底是怎样的呢？上帝到底安排了一条怎样的路给我走呢？会有人陪我走过漫长的人生吗？可是，我真的有点儿害怕爱情这家伙。或许，上帝要我学习独立，要我一个人地去冲破人生的刺荆呢？
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